As tomorrow approaches, I have feelings of anxiety as well as profound strength.  It's hard to believe that just three years ago tomorrow,  I took my last trip on drugs.  As a recovering addict now looking back, the memories I have of using are those that you see in a movie and know are fictional.  Atleast that's how I feel.  You see, everyone has to hit rock bottom in any situation, before they can make a lasting commitment to change.  This is true for alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, and sexaholics.  The Webster Dictionary definition defines 'rock bottom' as "the lowest possible level or absolute bottom."  For some rock bottom is overdosing, being incarcerated, loss of control, or sadly enough, death.  For me, the moment was when I heard those three hollow words, "you have cancer."  Every now and then when I attend a meeting, fellow addicts ask me, "what keeps you sober!"  And the answer has always been simple... cancer.  As I've stated before, I was only physically sober from drugs prior to my diagnosis.  In my heart and mind, I knew I'd use again... because that's what I desired.  But after the doctor gave me my diagnosis, the mental need and attraction to use, was no longer there.  I hated the person I was as a strung out girl. 

My drug counselor used to say the difference between drug addicts and people who use in social situations, is that the drug addicts have this switch that is turned off.  They crave the euphoria and in their minds they have no limits.  Once addicts get high, it's never enough.  You are never satisfied.   However, when I was diagnosed with cancer... that switch turned on with brilliant force, and is still on to this day... three years later as of 8/22/08.  I will forever hate the scars on my legs from the treatments, but I will also be forever grateful for my diagnosis and the new path it has led me to travel.  The sober path.  The honest path.  And the path of self respect.  

I would like to close this post with a smal excerpt from a poem.  It reads like this:

    " I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who become."

SO thank you cancer, for helping me be the person I am today, and helping me stay that person.